An education

Ten years ago this week, I was on Christmas break, in the middle of my senior year at Mesa State College (Grand Junction, Colorado), visiting my family in South Dakota, and preparing to take the GMAT (a graduate admissions test for business students). The GMAT scores are valid for 5 years and though I didn't have any type of solid plan, I was sure that I would start graduate school sometime shortly after my college graduation.

Ten years later I finished a master's program--though my path to graduation was completely different than I had originally envisioned.

I did not go to business school. I did not get an MBA. I did not use my GMAT scores.

But, I did...
...live in Thailand (and received an education of a different sort).
...start an MBA program (but discovered I wanted a different experience from my undergrad--in business management--and left the program after one class).
...begin a career in higher education administration (and now have 7-1/2 years of experience at two different universities under my belt).

There were definitely times I wanted to quit and was so tired of writing research papers (especially during the early days in my program when I didn't have internet access at home!). But thanks to the support of friends and family, and my own desire to accomplish something, I FINISHED.

I tell people I'm done with school--that you won't see me in a doctoral program...but, who knows. Ten years from now I might have something different to say.

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Through the looking glass

I'm working on checking #25 off my list and finally this spring feel like I can finally see the light at the end of this tunnel. Things came to a head last month when I had a big work event right around the same time as the end of one of my masters program classes. The annual work event had been in the planning stages for 5+ months, but my degree program has been in process for the past 3+ years. A blog post a few weeks ago detailed some of my frustrations.

But the work event was a success, and I met some fantastic people including several of this year's News21 fellows, one of whom is a photographer who took the photo above at dinner one night. The photo is the candle on our table reflecting through the frosted rings of the photographer's empty water glass--and I was reminded that the light at the end of the tunnel isn't always clear, or in focus, or always visible, but it's there, slowly but surely drawing us forward.

A shout-out to AJ Maclean (a 2010 News21 fellow from Syracuse University) for letting me use his photo on my little 'ol blog--check out his other work here!

I have a confession

I have a confession to make. I’m not perfect. I never really thought I was, but sometimes (or a lot), I struggle with perfectionist tendencies. And then sometimes, I have a mini breakdown when I realize I can’t (or don’t) meet my own high expectations for myself.

A recent example made this abundantly clear to me. I’m pursuing a master’s degree, part-time, while I continue to work full-time. Sometimes it seems like I’m on the 40-year track, rather than the 4-year track to completion--it feels like I’ve been in class forever. The truth is that I only take classes part-time, never during the summer (when the classes are condensed to five-week sessions) and there have been semesters where I’ve had to drop a class or withdraw simply because I couldn’t manage the pressures and commitment to class (which run in 8-week installments) along with the pressures and commitment to work. And for some reason, work always comes first.

Lately I’ve been fueled with a recommitment to my program—the end is on the horizon and I’m determined to finish sooner rather than later (which means no more sacrificing school for work). This past month I’ve been faced with dueling priorities—an annual work event that I manage the majority of planning for, and the end of my fourth-to-last-class (and one that I had avoided taking for as long as I could!). I did great in the class until the last two weeks, which coincided with my large work event.

My work event was successful (but stressful!), and once again, my class work suffered. And I learned, again, that I’m not perfect. I could have planned ahead better, completed assignments in advance, and been a better time manager at the beginning of the course. (A little secret is that I often do my best school work under the dark cloud of procrastination.) But this time I didn’t pull through. Once I got over the shock of realizing that my 4.0 GPA was gone (which happened in both high school and college and was shocking and sorrowful then), I was determined to finish strong and complete all the required assignments. All in all I submitted the final 12 assignments late (all due during the last week of class), and the professor was generous enough to give me partial credit for some. But really, what I learned was that, it’s ok to not meet your own expectations. It’s ok to not be perfect. The earth keeps turning, the sun still rises.

I’m not a perfect student. I’m not a perfect employee. I’m not a perfect friend, or a perfect daughter, or a perfect sister, or auntie. I try my best, I often fail, and I’m certainly not perfect. And that’s ok. Because my goal shouldn’t be to be perfect.

My goal is to love others, to be a light for Christ, to work hard (oh, and to get that master's degree!).