Of Men and Money

Photo credit: Deanna Dent

These past two weeks I’ve been working a lot. It’s orientation for the program I work with and these weeks are some of the most intense of our program year.

But in the midst of the chaos and working and lack of sleep (and working) and stress (and working) and moving 10 individuals from 10 different countries to Phoenix, my friend and colleague Deanna took this amazing photo and I just can’t get it out of my head.

I thought about sharing the photo on Facebook with a short sentence, but then realized I had more I wanted to say. More I wanted to remember. More I wanted to reflect on.

My whole life I’ve spent time in banks…in South Dakota, Montana and Colorado. My dad was a banker through my growing-up years, and he worked hard—trying to make it home to have dinner with the family, and then returning to the office later in the evening. He often worked Saturdays too, but many times he’d take my brothers and I along (to provide Mom some sanity time, I'm guessing). I’m not sure how much “help” we actually were, but we became expert users of the shredding machine and there was something both fun and spooky about being in the bank when it was closed. We could wander through the quietness and behind the teller line (sneaking Dum Dums when we could find them!).

It was fun to go to work with Dad—I think my love for the “office environment” was born in those early days at the bank, as was my love for numbers, budgets, etc.

In middle school and high school, the bank Dad managed in Colorado had “popcorn” Fridays and I’d manage the popcorn machine after school, handing out bags of popcorn to customers waiting in line. Dad’s bank life provided some fun family adventures as well—one year we dressed up as Dalmatian dogs (white sweatshirt and sweatpants with black felt spots) and rode a bank float in the city’s annual holiday parade. Another year my brother Jon had the opportunity to throw out the opening pitch at a Colorado Rockies baseball game--at the time the bank was a major sponsor of the team.

But, it wasn’t all fun and games. I both saw and experienced the stress my dad was under as a bank manager and never-ever-ever desired that for myself.

However, I’m realizing that these days, things aren’t much different. Work-life balance flies out the window and it’s times like this that I’m glad I don’t have a family at home--because they’d never see me, and if they did see me, I’d most likely be “Crazy-Cranky-Kristi.” But ironically, it’s also these same days that I miss having someone to come home too—that person who could take one look at my face and know that the thing I most needed at that moment was a hug and a whisper in my ear saying, “You’re amazing. You’re going to make it. Tomorrow is a new day. I love you.”

Instead I control the chaos by making fun plans with friends and family—plans that force me to leave the office at a reasonable time, plans that allow me to eat, drink and be merry. Plans that have me organizing trips and vacations for later in the year. Plans that make me turn off “work-brain” and turn on “life-fun.” And I relax and am refreshed and feel ready to face another day.

And then I think of this photo.

In a bank once again.

And I am grateful.

In addition to all my “bank” memories, it brings to mind a mental picture from my childhood with my dad arriving home from a long day at the office…he’d walk in the house, find my mom (who was most likely in the kitchen making dinner), and give her a kiss. And I imagine that in that moment they were saying “You’re amazing. You’re going to make it. Your family loves you. I’m glad you’re home. Tomorrow is a new day.”

Thank you Deanna for capturing this moment.

Thank you Mom and Dad for the legacy of hard work and love that you model for me.

And thank you to all the people I work with who help me grow, both as a professional, and as a person. 

“No work is insignificant. All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance and should be undertaken with painstaking excellence.” --Martin Luther King Jr.

What I'm thinking

I love that my nephew just finished his first year of elementary school. I think he's awesome and feel incredibly blessed that at this time and place in our lives we live just miles apart and I'm able to attend his school programs and baseball games. I treasure those times together, watching him grow, listening to him talk about birds and baseball and reading and movies and music.

I'm loving the new little house I'm renting. I love that I'm close to work, close to hip-hang-outs, and actually part of a real neighborhood. In the two months I've lived there I've met more neighbors than in all the 5+ years I've lived in Phoenix. I saw one of my neighbors making sun tea on his porch the other day and thought it was the coolest thing (and something you can almost do year-round here in Phoenix!).

I'm incredibly proud of my Dakotan heritage. The rural farming community that my parents and grandparents grew up in is celebrating their 125th anniversary next year--a quasquicentennial, or "Big Q" as I saw on a poster (because quasquicentennial apparently doesn't roll off the tongue). I was 9-years-old when the town celebrated it's centennial (100 years) and I have crystal clear memories of the amusement park rides that took over Main Street, the city-wide parade (that I helped build a float for), and the amazing pageant/drama show that the town put on. My grandpa grew a beard, my grandma donned a bonnet, and our entire family gathered together for the celebration. Now, with only one living grandparent still in residence, our family doesn't get back up there very often, but on a recent visit I realized that there are folks in that community that have known me my entire life. I've never lived there but they've seen me at auction sales and centennial celebrations, at funerals and 80th birthday gatherings. They've seen me in photos on my grandma's wall and in newspaper stories announcing our visit to town. We may not be Facebook friends or Christmas card exchangers, but they know me, or rather, they know my family. Both lines of my family. And though they may think me a "city girl" and my love for lattes a little looney, they accept me as a part of their extended community. And I'm realizing that in some ways, that small community is more "home" than any place I've ever, or will ever, live.

I think I'm getting lazy. I'm not talking gym-lazy here (though that is also an issue), I'm talking I need to buy a garden hose and seriously considered ordering one from Amazon just so I wouldn't have to lug one home from an actual store. For now I'm going to blame the summer heat of Phoenix for causing this line of thinking.

I'm not using the internet at home for a few weeks (due to somehow exceeding my monthly home internet data-usage limit last month--though I was out of town for almost 2 weeks). Instead, I'm teaching myself how to utilize my iPhone for more things (like shopping on Amazon, see paragraph above), and I'm reading more. Crazy concepts, right? It's been a bit eye-opening. There's only so much time I can spend looking at my tiny iPhone screen, so unlike with my laptop, I'm not losing track of time reading my favorite blogs, planning my next travel adventure, or getting caught up with my favorite TV shows. I think this mini-vacation from internet overuse is not necessarily a bad thing (though it's still easier to pick up a book then to tackle items on my to do list).

Today is my parent's 37th (I think) wedding anniversary. They do so much for our family (babysitting, house projects, loaning of vehicles), and I'm so grateful for them. I can never repay all the things they've done for me, all the complaints they've listened to, all the coffees they've bought and meals they've cooked. My heart overflows with gratitude and I'm thankful for the blessing they are to our family.

I've promised blog posts to several friends, and though this post doesn't really cover any of the things it's supposed to (photos of my new house, my crazy auction sale adventure, visiting a new church), it's randomness sort of characterizes my state of mind these days.

Oh, and one more thing I've learned of late--words can hurt. I've received some harsh criticism recently, and whether justly or unjustly received, it's called me to take a closer look at my own communications with others. Because (shockingly) I do sometimes speak without thinking. Or, think and then speak (with the intention to hurt). And apparently I sometimes say/do things that I think are innocent, but have completely different implications. This is life, right? And sometimes it's not always a bowl of cherries, but I'm trying to learn to "take the high road" and "grow a thicker skin" but, man, sometimes that's just hard. And hard ain't easy (though margaritas, lattes and Culver's hamburgers help).

A day in the desert

Yesterday was one of those days that we're reminded how wonderful it is to live in Phoenix--especially this time of year when the temps hover in the 70s & 80s (rather than the furnace-temps of the summer).

We happened to have family in town, visiting from the Pittsburgh area (and yes, they were definitely soaking up the warmth and sunny skies!). Mid-morning on Saturday found us out hiking in the South Mountain area.

Today we're headed to church and then to a spring training baseball game. Thanks, Dan & Blair, for coming to visit and reminding me why this is such a great place to live!

Trip-a-month club

This weekend I'm in western Pennsylvania for a little winter vacation. Some might think I'm crazy, given that I'd leave the 70-degree weather of Phoenix for a cold dose of frigid temps, but honestly, the warm gets old after awhile and I was ready for a break. The Pittsburgh area might not be everyone's idea of a go-to vacation spot, but I have family in the area, have actually been here once before, and love all the trees and open spaces.

This is the view outside my cousin's front door--isn't it great? Yesterday morning I went out for a short walk--enjoying the peaceful surroundings and the cool (well, more like really REALLY COLD!) morning air.

I recently decided that I need to start traveling more and to do so, I'm starting a trip-a-month club. So far I'm the only member, and this is my first trip (I got a slow start and January was a bust), but I have several adventures in the works and feel confident that I'm already on the right track.

As for this weekend, I'm having a great time. Its been wonderful to be with people that I love (but don't get to see that often), to share stories and life and plans for the future. And though it's just a quick weekend trip, the change of scenery (in more ways than one) has been refreshing for my soul.

(Update--just looked outside and it's snowing--woohoo!!!! Though I'm probably more excited about this than anyone else in the region!)

Hitting the slopes

A week ago our family trip to Colorado found us driving the winding road up the Grand Mesa to Powderhorn--the local ski resort about 45 minutes outside Grand Junction.

I learned to ski at Powderhorn when I was in 7th grade--I remember I took a bunch of ski lessons with my BFF Megan. Our parents would take turns driving us up on Saturdays--we'd have lessons in the morning and then in the afternoon we could free-ski (not that we skied for "free," just that we were allowed to ski on our own). Those were good times and looking back I have no idea how I talked my parents into the luxury of allowing me to participate in a several-session-ski-lesson adventure...

Anyways, when we arrived on the slopes a week ago, getting back on the skis was like riding a bike...given that I haven't been skiing in more than a decade. But I was in good company with my brother and his wife who also hadn't skied in a very long time. And my 4-yr-old nephew had never been skiing (much less spent much time in snow!).

We couldn't have asked for a more beautiful day--clear blue skies and no wind. I'm sure it was deja vu for my parents who hung out in the lodge with my 2-yr-old niece (they don't ski and would often hang out in the lodge when they took us skiing years ago).

I had always been under the impression that Powderhorn was more of a "regional ski resort"--it's small, doesn't get a ton of snow, and is a bit off the beaten path (though it's the closest ski resort to the Colorado town I lived in). But riding up the lifts I met folks from Delaware and Pennsylvania (the woman from DE had just spent big bucks to ski Telluride for two days and the gentleman from PA was trying to figure out where he would ski the next day--"either Vail or Telluride"). And, when I was in line to rent my skis, I got to talking with the woman behind me, who had driven up with her family from Yuma. And my sister-in-law mentioned she had ridden the lift with someone who was visiting from Gilbert! Apparently Powderhorn is more a destination place than I realized (though I suppose it was the holidays)--yea for supporting the local economy!

Powderhorn is the only place I've ever skied and it was as great as I remembered it. I think my nephew had a good time too--by the end of the day he had done a run on the bunny slopes without any falls!

I can't wait to hit the slopes again--hopefully it won't be another 13 years before I get back out there!

One of my favorite places

One of my favorite places in the world is Ouray, Colorado. Ouray is a small town, about 90 miles southeast of Grand Junction (where I spent most of my influential growing up years--those between middle school and college).

In the early '90s my family took a road-trip to Ouray for a weekend away to celebrate my mom's birthday. It was a little like the Christmas story--we arrived under darkness, only to find there was no room at the inn--literally. Even though it was late in the summer tourist season (end of September), there was a big Jeep Jamboree in town and all the hotels, B&Bs and inns were booked solid (and my parents hadn't called ahead for reservations--totally out of character for them). Thankfully, an inn owner took pity on us (I think he listened to my dad's request and then looked out the window and saw our sad faces in the car), and offered us the use of his rental cottage--right on Main Street. We totally hit the jackpot and after a worrisome start to the weekend, ended up having a wonderful adventure.

The trip to Ouray became an annual tradition and a special weekend getaway for our family. On every visit we'd stop by the Ouray Candy Co., the Rock Shop, the Ouray Glassworks, and a souvenir shop or two. One time we went horseback riding, and another time we took a jeep tour through the back country (beautiful!). Sometimes we'd go hiking, or take a drive up through the mountains. Ouray is nestled in a valley, surrounded by towering peaks, and the scenery is truly awe-inspiring. Oh, and I almost forgot to mention the hot springs pool!

Our Kappes Family Vacation 2010 to Grand Junction wouldn't be complete without a stop in Ouray (actually, I don't think my mom would have left the state without a stop in her favorite place). It was fun to share the city with my brother's wife and kids--they especially enjoyed the hot springs pool (Carter and Halle swam for hours with Auntie and Papa helping them race across the pool!).

(Waiting for lunch at the Pub on Main St--Halle was entertaining Nana and Papa)

It was a wonderful day filled with special memories--both new and old!

Ouray is one of the those places that I could definitely see myself living one day...I could see myself working at the bookstore on Main St., running out on my break to grab a latte from the coffee shop down the street, then heading home at night to my log cabin (complete with wood fireplace). The only downside would be that the nearest Target is 36 miles away, and I'd probably have to shovel snow...but even those things would be manageable (I'd just need to have the funds to be able to afford living there!).

If you've never been to Ouray, I'd highly recommend a visit--any time of the year! Not all the shops are open in the winter, but the hot springs are great and the views are spectacular!

A message from God in an un-holy city

My family doesn't gamble, but for some reason, we enjoy visiting Las Vegas--strange, I know. And, it just happened to work out that for our family trip to Colorado (between Christmas and New Years), my parents and I found a good travel deal that would route us through Vegas....and then, through an unplanned turn of events, we ended up spending the night in Vegas. On Christmas Day.

After a morning spent opening gifts with my niece and nephew and the rest of the Kappes clan, my parents and I flew out to Sin City. We arrived in early evening and though Dad elected to stay at our hotel (off the strip and near the airport), Mom and I decided to hop the shuttle and head down to the action.

And action we found. I've been to LV several times, but I've never seen the strip as busy as it was that night. Wall-to-wall people and most of them were foreigners! Bring it on! Help us boost our American economy!

Mom and I had two stops we wanted to make (three if you count a stop to eat dinner). One--we wanted to stop at Tiffany's to check out their 'charm bar' to see if there were any have-to-get charms (to add to the charm bracelets we purchased during a trip to New York City a few years ago). And two--we wanted to stop at the Bellagio Hotel to see their dancing fountains (set to music) as well as their arboretum (decorated for the holidays).

After we left Tiffany's and were waiting for the dancing fountains to start, Mom turned to me and asked "Are we bad?" I immediately knew what she was asking...were we bad to be in this city on Christmas Day, shopping at expensive stores and standing in front of expensive hotels? I said, "No, we're not bad...we do good things, we give, we love others...." It was a pretty flimsy answer--which we both pondered for a few minutes.

But then the dancing fountain show started--the fountains at the Bellagio are amazing, choreographed, shooting high into the sky, turning and twirling. It's hard to explain (or justify) if you've never seen it in person, but of all the sights and sounds in the Las Vegas--this one is a must see. They do different "shows" every 15 minutes, and the show we just happened to see was set to the music of....the Hallelujah Chorus. Yes, that's right. A secular hotel in a very secular city choose a very non-secular piece of music for their dancing fountains display--and it wasn't just the orchestration--the music included the lyrics, drawn from the book of Revelation.

It was amazing and my pictures do not do it justice. Suffice it to say that Mom and I were in complete awe. The flash mobs and silent monks have nothing on the fountains at the Bellagio.

After it was over I joked that the musical choice was God's message to us that we were "ok" and that "He's here too."

Hallelujah Chorus by George Handel, from Handel's 'Messiah'

|: Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! :|

|: For the Lord God Omnipotent reigneth.
Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! :|

For the Lord God omnipotent reigneth.
|: Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! :|

The kingdom of this world
Is become the kingdom of our Lord,
And of His Christ, and of His Christ;
And He shall reign for ever and ever,
For ever and ever, forever and ever,

King of kings, and Lord of lords,
|: King of kings, and Lord of lords, :|
And Lord of lords,
And He shall reign,
And He shall reign forever and ever,
King of kings, forever and ever,
And Lord of lords,
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

And He shall reign forever and ever,
|: King of kings! and Lord of lords! :|
And He shall reign forever and ever,
King of kings! and Lord of lords!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

An education

Ten years ago this week, I was on Christmas break, in the middle of my senior year at Mesa State College (Grand Junction, Colorado), visiting my family in South Dakota, and preparing to take the GMAT (a graduate admissions test for business students). The GMAT scores are valid for 5 years and though I didn't have any type of solid plan, I was sure that I would start graduate school sometime shortly after my college graduation.

Ten years later I finished a master's program--though my path to graduation was completely different than I had originally envisioned.

I did not go to business school. I did not get an MBA. I did not use my GMAT scores.

But, I did...
...live in Thailand (and received an education of a different sort).
...start an MBA program (but discovered I wanted a different experience from my undergrad--in business management--and left the program after one class).
...begin a career in higher education administration (and now have 7-1/2 years of experience at two different universities under my belt).

There were definitely times I wanted to quit and was so tired of writing research papers (especially during the early days in my program when I didn't have internet access at home!). But thanks to the support of friends and family, and my own desire to accomplish something, I FINISHED.

I tell people I'm done with school--that you won't see me in a doctoral program...but, who knows. Ten years from now I might have something different to say.

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

A way to give thanks (#17)

A couple of weeks ago I participated in a 5K walk for St. Jude Children's Research Hospital to help fight childhood cancer. More than 1,200 walkers participated in the Phoenix Give thanks. Walk.--our fair city joined 62 other communities across the nation that participated in the walk. In total $2.2 million was raised for St. Jude.

I walked with a group of friends and family, including my brother and his family (pictured below). It was a beautiful day and we had a great time for a good cause.


The walk was great, but then earlier last week I saw one of the St. Jude commercials--I hadn't really understood the "Give thanks." campaign until I saw this commercial--it included celebrities asking viewers to "Give thanks for the healthy kids in your life, and give to those who are not." At that moment there was something very profound about that statement--I raised funds for the walk and gave to St. Jude, but did I remember to give thanks for the healthy kids in my life?

It's a small thing, but on Thanksgiving, when I wrestled with my nephew (as he was trying to steal the sales ads from me), and helped my niece do flips by walking up my legs, I was reminded of the commercial and was thankful for their health and their boundless energy (even when "Aunnie" couldn't keep up!).

(On a side note, though this wasn't a "run," I consider it fulfillment of #17 on my 101 list.)

The three musketeers

The past two weekends I spent time with both of my younger brothers--one of the benefits of us all living in the Phoenix-area!

I was reminded that there were days, more than a dozen years ago, that I wanted nothing to do with them--when I was telling them (or more likely screaming at them) to get out of my room and to leave my stuff alone. I'm sure I wasn't bitter, or anything like that, about having to chauffeur them to band and baseball practice (my mom went back to work when I turned 16 and got my driver's license). I certainly wasn't jealous of their visits to the ICU (one for a car accident, the other for a roller-blading accident), though I was a little envious of their time out of school! But we weren't completely different--none of us liked to practice our piano lessons, or clean the kitty's litter box, or really, do any chores at all!

This is a photo of my brother Jon and I at a wedding at the Garden of the Gods, Colorado Springs, CO on10-10-10. You can just see my nephew on the left-hand side of the photo--he was looking for sticks to add to his stick collection.

My youngest brother, Josh, invited me to play in his softball game this past weekend (they needed another girl). They won the game, despite my walk and two strike-outs. I hit all the balls in batting practice, but just like in middle school, I totally freeze up (or swing without making contact) during the game! But I had a good time and was honored that he thought I could hold my own (or at least be a body with the gender they needed).

All for one and one for all

My brothers and my friends

What fun we have

The times we share

Siblings 'til the end!

---The Three Musketeers

A celebration, a cup of coffee, and a colossal disappointment

This past weekend my immediate and extended family gathered together to celebrate my parent's birthdays. It was my mom's actual birthday, and my dad's birthday is in two weeks (when several of us are going to be out of town), so we decided to combine their birthday celebrations, as well as their birthday gifts.

(Here is a photo of some of the kiddos goofing off at the table with the birthday boy and girl.)


My sister-in-law (SIL) and I both decided we would try some new recipes for the big event. Who better to taste-test food experiments than your family?! Our recipes were both taken from two noted food bloggers. My SIL's bread pudding (from this recipe at aartipaarti.com) was delish--there was just a little bit left and I stole some to take home for breakfast the next day! (Side note: Aarti from aartipaarti.com was recently crowned winner of the The Next Food Network Star--I don't have cable and didn't see the show, but I've recently started reading her blog and love her!)

My recipe was for eggs florentine casserole, courtesy of The Pioneer Woman site. The only ingredients I had on-hand were salt and pepper (this should have been a sign). I also thought I could substitute a cheese grater for the fancy potato-shredder tool (big mistake and my arm is still tired today). In addition, I completely underestimated the amount of time it takes to 1) make "hash browns" from scratch (this step took a ton of time, and turned out totally gross), 2) brown the sausage (I decided to forgo the fancy type the recipe called for--it sounded super expensive--and just used Jimmy Dean sausage--which also seemed expensive!), 3) chop onions and peppers (I added these to the recipe based on another blog that had adapted the recipe from the PW site). I started early, and was glad I had. Here's a picture of the casseroles going into the oven--they look good here, but the taste (especially with the weird hash brown base stuff) was just so-so.

Overall, I was disappointed with the result in terms of the time, effort, money that went into the creation. The alcohol I consumed in the afternoon, combined with the mimosas we had with dinner and the kind comments of family members, helped soften the colossal disappointment of my recipe attempt.

The party was soon salvaged by the cupcakes and fruit pizza we enjoyed for dessert. Along with the unveiling of the grand gift (a Keurig coffee machine).

Here's a photo of my parents blowing out their candles.


And other photo of the joy on their faces knowing they're just minutes away from enjoying fruit pizza (actually, I have no idea what they're laughing at). Note the white towels in the background that are "hiding" the birthday gift.


And here's the coffee-corner that we set up with their new Keurig machine, mugs with fall M&Ms, Dunkin' Donuts coffee (mom's favorite), and travel mugs created on snapfish with a collage of family photographs. I should have taken some close-up photos, but at this point I was pretty much just ready for dessert (and I think this photo is actually courtesy of my brother, who had my camera).


Despite my personal disappointment in my cooking endeavor, the evening was a success and much fun was had by all.

Happy Birthday Mom & Dad!!!

Minute to win it PARTY!

Throughout the summer and fall, my Phoenix family celebrates several birthdays--numbering at least one (and sometimes more!) a month. In my mind this is an excellent thing--1) it means more time spent with family (something I LOVE), and 2) it usually means good food, drink and dessert!!

Last weekend we celebrated Zachary's 8th birthday--I posted about my present to Zach here. Zachary is like my nephew who's not a nephew (he's my cousin's son), but since we have a really small extended family (I only have two cousins), I pretty much consider him, and his brother Ben, my nephews (along with my real nephew Carter).

Anyways, Zach requested a Minute To Win It themed party--with 12+ kids, the activities got a little crazy, but lots of fun was had by all!

I can't remember the name of this game, but all of the kids got into the action on this one...here's the before picture (see them all sitting quietly, ready with their ping pong balls?)--their mission was to bounce the ping pong ball into the cups of water in front of them.

This was a photo I took during the action--it got a little crazy!

I helped man the "Defying Gravity" balloon game (kids had two balloons that they were supposed to keep afloat for 60 seconds)--it was a tough game and things were slightly chaotic, but thankfully no one was injured and only one balloon landed on top of the bookcases and had to be retrieved. (I was too busy manning my station to get any shots of the action!)

All of the kids brought their swimsuits so they could cool off in the pool after the hard work of the Minute To Win It stations (I think we had something like four stations going at once!) . Here are Zach, Ben and Carter.

My niece Halle enjoyed cooling off in the pool too, but here she is, warming up with Nana (my mom).

And the best part of the night? Hmmm....for me it was enjoying the root beer floats--yummy! Here are bunch of the party-goers enjoying their treat (check-out their fun straws!). That's my cousin Cathy in the red shirt (mom to Zach and Ben--I think she's singing "Happy Birthday"), and my dad is in the background in the navy blue shirt (Hi Dad!).

It was a great party, and I can't believe Zach is 8--I remember I was living in Thailand when he was born and missed all the excitement! What a blessing it is to live so close now and be able to celebrate these special moments! Happy Birthday Buddy!

My internet love story

Warning: This is a LONG post (perhaps one to be read over several sittings)—I had originally thought to split it into several posts, but decided to keep as one. Proceed with caution!

A year ago I did something I never thought I would do—I took a risk, stepped out on a ledge, and went flying without a safety net.

A year ago I joined an online dating website called eHarmony (eH).

For several years, both good friends and my loving family had encouraged me to give online dating a try. Despite the tales of positive experiences and personal “success” (marriage) stories, I didn’t think it was for me. Honestly, it just seemed too…formulated, desperate, and doubting of God’s plan for my life. (And also a little scary!)

But a year ago, on Labor Day weekend, I somehow found myself with some time, and I decided to sit down and complete the eH questionnaire (it included 488 questions—no exaggeration). I’m not sure what the trigger was—perhaps the recent news of another friend getting engaged? Or hearing that several friends who had small children were planning to leave their careers to be stay-at-home moms? Or, maybe it was just one family gathering too many where I was the only single person (above the age of 7) in attendance?

Don’t get me wrong—I loved my single life and the freedom it entailed, but a year ago I think I started feeling like maybe there was a little something missing, and maybe there was a little something that I could be actively doing about it.

It happened to be a “free communication” weekend when I joined (they do those every so often to pull people in), so I didn’t have to pay immediately. After a few days I decided that if I really wanted to commit to this, that I would need to commit, really commit. And thus I found myself paying for a year-long membership. I think I thought that would somehow take a bit of the “pressure” off—which it did—a year allowed me time to make mistakes, take some risks, and discover that I’m more comfortable and confident in myself than I realized.

I joined eH with low expectations, and I actually think this helped me have the positive experience that I did. The process seemed too clinical to be romantic, and too random to be any kind of magic wand. And though in the beginning I was dubious about the eH system, they make it very easy, very positive, and very safe. You’re automatically “matched” with people according to the responses on their exhaustive questionnaire. You can set certain parameters to your matches, such as geographic location, age, level of education, drinking/smoking frequency, kids/no kids, race, religion, etc. Then, once you’re matched with someone, you can review their basic profile and decide if you want to start “communicating” with them (or if you want to “close” the match without communicating at all).

There are four steps to the eH “guided” communication process:

1) Multiple choice questions (chosen from a list provided by eH)

2) Sharing “must haves” and “can’t stands” (again, chosen from lists provided by eH and along the lines of, “I must have someone who is kind, has a sense of humor, can communicative, is patient,” or, “I can’t stand someone who is mean-spirited, or a gambler”)

3) Short answer questions (chosen from a list provided by eH or you can submit your own question)—this includes everything from “what is the one dream you have for your life that you wish to come true,” or “describe your spirituality,” or “describe your personal style” (my least favorite question!)

4) Open communication (exchanging emails within the eH system)

During the first several months I was shy, tentative, and overwhelmed with the process and the time commitment. Before I knew it, I’d been provided with over 100 matches to review (I was originally open to being matched with guys from across the country). In the beginning I highly underestimated the time commitment involved with establishing online relationships (I’ve gotten a bit better at this!). Reviewing matches takes time, each step of communication takes time, trying to remember what you’ve told to who during open communication (step 4) takes time. Spending time in prayer, convincing yourself that you’re not going insane, takes time. Lots of time involved here—but there was always lots of laughter too.

eH recommends that you stay open-minded and start communicating with everyone. I definitely think being open-minded is good (certainly I expect that of others), but eventually you have to institute some parameters to separate the wheat from the chaff. I definitely wasn’t a perfect online dater, but I did try to have fun and be open to new experiences. Sometimes I didn’t check my account for weeks at a time. And it took me months to realize that I should narrow my search to local people—that I really wasn’t interested (at this point) in flying somewhere to meet someone. Plus, it took me several months to figure out that if I wanted something to happen to meet someone face-to-face, that I most likely needed to initiate it. So, for those matches that lived in the valley, and that were in step 4-open communication, I started suggesting lunch or meeting for coffee. And that’s how my “first dates” happened. Guess I’m a 21^st century gal—this isn’t something I necessarily prefer, just the way things worked out.

I went on some good dates (checked off #37 from my 101 list)—“good” in the respect that the guys were nice, we had some fun, and I arrived home intact and realizing that I can actually date (or rather, I am date-able). Someone once said online dating is “reverse dating”—meaning you often know lots of the details of someone’s life before you even meet in person—this is pretty true, and can make things both more, or less, comfortable. My dates, though good, did not turn into lasting relationships—and the old saying is right: breaking up IS HARD to do (especially when you’re the one doing the “breaking”)!

I grew tremendously through this process, and also learned a lot by reading the book called How to Get a Date Worth Keeping by Dr. Henry Cloud (author of the Boundaries books). I had never heard of this book until I saw it mentioned on the profile of one of my eH matches, but reading it last fall caused a significant shift in my view on dating (which was mostly developed by a book I read as a teenager called I Kissed Dating Goodbye). Part of the shift was the idea of dating for fun--to learn more about yourself, and more of what you're looking for in a possible mate. I highly recommend this book to anyone who's looking to date, or has struggled with dating (and I've already shared copies with several friends!).

Just to clear up any confusion--yes, I want to fall in love, get married, and have children. I see the joys (and trials!) that friends, cousins and siblings have found in marriage and family—of course I would love to have that experience for myself. But, even without those things, I am incredibly, incredibly blessed, and I have so many people that I can share my love with. Most importantly, I know the Lord has me firmly in the palm of His hand (Jeremiah 29:11), that He has a plan for my life, and that I can be content whether or not that plan includes marriage.

There’s no need to feel sorry for me, or for other single people. I know many women who are smart, beautiful, and single. Their experiences, literally, span the globe, where they work as teachers, journalists, missionaries, corporate executives, etc. Their singleness doesn’t define who they are, or diminish their life accomplishments. They embrace life and know the One who is the source of true happiness.

A year in, this was a great experience for me--I'm not married, engaged, or in a serious relationship, but I got out of my own way, and tried something new. I don’t regret not trying it earlier—I think the timing was perfect and I think the nudging a year ago was by the Lord’s hand. And, I’m thankful to be surrounded by friends and family who, during the past year, loved me, laughed with me, and encouraged me.

My own personal desire is to live a life of purpose and meaning—and that can look like a lot of different things. Right now that means being the best daughter, sister, auntie, niece, granddaughter, friend, employee, colleague, etc., I can be. I’m certainly not perfect in any of those roles, but I love that I get to be all those things to all those people—and for me, right now, that is enough.

So, did I cancel my membership? I was planning to—I decided a year was enough and I was ready to try something different. But then I was matched with a local guy who said this in his profile:

There are a lot of fish in the pond, but I feel I have a ton to offer. I come from a very good family and am very happy and content with my life. I'm blessed to have great health, an awesome job, and a nice home. I'm just looking for that special someone to make it all that much better.

He initiated communication with me first, and though we’re still in the early, early, early stages, I felt there was some potential there—enough potential to keep my membership active for another month—just to see what happens!

(Not to say that I’m not open to blind dates, or other dating suggestions…if you have a neighbor, colleague, friend, barista, etc. that you’d like to send my way, bring ‘em on!)

Some of the ones that could have been…

“Justin” from Anchorage, Alaska—What attracted me to Justin? 1) one of the recent books he had read was Watership Down (don’t ask), 2) his work takes him out of town every two weeks (I like me some personal time), and 3) I thought he was cute. But after getting through the first three stages of communication, Justin closed me on the final stage, saying I had “never responded.” Huh? Uh, yea, I was waiting for you to write the first “open communication” email…

“Kevin” from Grand Junction, Colorado—I went to high school and college in Grand Junction so that city is filled with fond memories and old friends. Kevin was the one and only person I Google-stalked—he listed his occupation as “entrepreneur” (which some men use as code for “currently unemployed”) but one of his photos had him in a Chick-Fil-A shirt…using the world-wide-web and my mad research skills, I discovered he’s the manager of the Chick-Fil-A in town. I LOVE that place! However, after I initiated the first stage of communication, Kevin closed our match, with the response that he was “currently pursuing a relationship.” Good for him, bummer for me.

“Robert” from Orange City, Iowa—One of my very first matches, and the first to get through all four stages of communication, was Robert. Robert was a Spanish teacher in Iowa, who grew up on a farm, and built homes in his spare time. Robert and I communicated for a time, but then Robert discontinued his membership with eH, and suddenly that was the end of that.

Some of the ones I stopped before they had a chance to get started…

“Patrick” described his occupation as a "CEO", though his profile later said he was really a "self-employed entrepreneur" who moonlights as a fitness model for men's fitness magazines. Sounds like the perfect guy, right? Until this statement came along on his profile: “I do not like waiting for anything. I prefer immediate first class service.”

Then there was “Jason,” who, once we were in open communication, asked me, “What influenced you to pursue a career in journalism, I mean besides having a face for television?” This was back when I had my occupation listed as a “Journalism Grant Manager”—which I shortly changed since many people seemed to think I was a journalist—which I had to nip right in the bud!

One of my favorites was “James” who listed his occupation as 'Costco Shopper' and who typically spends his leisure time “squeezing twinkies at grocery stores.” James says the first thing you'll probably notice when first meeting him is "what the he@# is that smell?!"

“Dave,” age 32, an audio visual manager, from Tucson, AZ, says the one thing he wishes more people would notice about him is: “My amazing thigh muscles. Seriously, they're amazing. I've been cycling for years, but you just can't see legs through pants, or even the long shorts I wear. I wish I could show them off more, but I'm just so pale. Gotta work on that. Seriously though...I wish people would notice my hair follicles. Completely awesome! I've been using Pantine Pro V for 10 years, and my follicles would be on the cover of Men's Health if anyone could see them. The greatest compliment anyone can say to me is, "Dude...those follicles are insane. How did you develop those?" I could totally be a Pantine spokesperson.” Dave also says the first thing people notice about him is: “My aurora. It's not an appearance thing, though. People just feel it. Monks and nuns have been trying to get me to pose so they can paint me. I just don't have the time. The Catholic Church has been trying to saint me for years. I keep telling them I'm non-denominational. They just won't leave me alone.”

See what I mean about this process being fun/funny?!?

“Edward,” age 41, a scientist/entrepreneur from Irvine, CA….Edward (who I like to call “Eddie” because I think it’s funny) and I were matched during my first week on eH. And he’s my only match that I’m still in contact with from those early days. I definitely don’t feel any chemistry with Eddie, but he does crack me up (as in, who does this guy think he is?!). Eddie comes to Phoenix a few times a year, but we haven’t been able to connect in person (mostly my fault). And, though he’s invited me to come to California several times, I continue to decline. I think the email below says it all (a little background—he had asked a question about three annoying habits I have—I listed one as being a bit crabby before I’ve had my morning coffee. The work trip he mentions was last fall when I was in LA—an opportunity for he and I to meet in person that I just wasn’t ready for, but turns out he was in Phoenix around the same time)—it’s hard to believe that Eddie hasn’t found his “soul mate” yet…

The subject line of Eddie’s email: Lucy Van Pelt, is that you?? [I had to Wikipedia this, but he’s referring to “Lucy” from the Peanuts cartoon]
Message: You know... CRABBY! ;) OK, OK, it's only before your coffee... but beware to the poor unsuspecting soul who dares to rouse you at the crack of dawn... or before dawn. ;) Well, it's been fun getting to know you Kristi, albeit a bit glacierly. Ha! I was a bit disappointed not catching you last week, but it was probably for the best since I was running left and right the whole time in your neck of the woods. I hope you had a lovely trip for work and got all that you needed done. Where did you go? Anywhere nice, do tell? I see that you had a very interesting path to your current job/career. It goes to show one never knows what God has in store for us. So, I'm really glad that He has blessed you with a job that you love... minus the politics, of course. LOL But, politics is a fact of life in almost everything. Heck, even relationships involve some politics. And women are indeed the master of relationship politics, no doubt. Otherwise, how do they get us poor men to take out the trash?!??

I let Eddie know that the only person other than me that takes out my trash is my dad. I neglected to mention that referring to someone as “glacierly” really can only be taken one way (and is that really a word?!).

Some things I discovered I don't like...

• Men who don't believe in using punctuation, or correct spelling
• Men who wear lots of jewelry
• Men who overuse text language in emails
• Never-ending small talk via email or the phone
• Having the "you're a really great guy, but…” talk

Go, fight, win!

Tonight I took my 7-almost-8-year-old friend Zachary Beachy to his first ASU football game as an early birthday present. It was also MY first ASU game and I've now checked #89 off my 101 things list. It was definitely a win-win for both of us.

We looked great in our matching gold ASU Sun Devil t-shirts, but the night started off a bit rough when we encountered traffic on the freeway (as in, the freeway was closed due to a major accident, and we were forced to exit onto a side street). Thankfully I'd built plenty of travel time into our schedule. After parking near my downtown office, and catching the Light Rail over to Tempe, we made it to the stadium with just minutes to spare. Which was good because we had to climb up, up, up the switchback walkway to our seats! (Where are the escalators?!)

Our seats were pretty much at the 50-yard-line so we had a great view of the action (including the boisterous student section!). I had been warned that most people at the game are quite inebriated, but no alcohol is sold within the stadium. Folks seemed fairly well-behaved, but maybe that was because it was 'faculty and staff night'!

The pre-game activities were great--we enjoyed hearing and watching the band (check-out their pitchfork formation). And when the players ran out, the stadium went crazy--including me literally jumping out of my seat when the fireworks started going off (both on the field and from both sides of the stadium). The fog on the field was pretty cool too. This obviously ain't no high school football game!

Zach and I tried to follow the people around us in terms of the stand-up, sit down, shake the keys, make the pitchfork, scream and yell, etc. We were a little lost (like newcomers to church). But as long as we cheered when our team had the ball, stole the ball, made touchdowns with the ball, we were ok.

About half-way through the first half we decided to go visit our friends in one of the suites (ie, we wanted to find ourselves some air-conditioning). A work colleague had been gracious enough to share some extra suite passes with us--thanks Ivy!

Finding the suite was an adventure in itself! The complete opposite side of the stadium, back down the switchback walkway, around a dark corner and down a dark walkway to the suite-elevator (it all seemed very sketchy). There were about four bouncers at the suite elevator were we again had to show our game tickets as well as our suite passes. Then we stepped into the elevator, but it wasn't clear what floor we should go to. So, we didn't press any buttons and eventually the elevator started moving....all the way to the "third" floor. We got off, still with a lost look on our face, and immediately someone took pity on us, and asked us if we were looking for the President's box? Yes, because we obviously look like guests of President Crow?!? (I'm wondering if they say that to everyone, just on the off-chance that you actually ARE a guest of that suite?!) The nice gentleman took pity on us, escorted us back on the elevator, and walked us down to our suite--I'm sure we looked extremely bewildered--it was like a different world up there from our nose-bleed seats!

We eventually made it to the suite (and air-conditioning, and more food, and a private bathroom, and an ice drawer) and to my Cronkite School colleagues. The suite was like an oasis in the desert!

We had a great time watching the end of the second quarter, half-time, and part of the third quarter from the indoor/outdoor seats of the suite. Everyone was right--the suite experience is not a true football game experience, but I'm so glad we were able to have the best of both worlds!

Since the Sun Devils obviously had the game in the bag, I decided we should start our journey homeward (the score was 37-6 when we left and 54-9 at game's end).

The light rail ride was uneventful, the freeway was still closed (thankfully we were going the opposite direction), and we arrived home safely, a mere 5 hours after starting our birthday game outing.

Yea for trying new things! Yea for season opener wins! Yea for 8th birthdays!

A blog recipe FAIL

I am trying to become a better cook. It is a slow process. Thankfully I have friends and family who support me in this endeavor. And are patient with me. And train me. And act as guinea pigs for my various cooking attempts.

A few weeks ago I saw a recipe online (on a blog of a friend-of-a-friend) for whole wheat crepes. Thinking this might be a healthy alternative to a food item I like, I decided to give the recipe a try.

Now, I love crepes. My family loves crepes. And I can actually make crepes, on my own, without supervision, that are entirely edible (shocking, huh?).

Red flag #1: The recipe called for several items I did not have on hand including whole wheat flour and honey. I bravely opened my pocketbook (or MasterCard as it was) and shelled out the BIG bucks for these "gourmet" items.

Red flag#2: The recipe called for quite a bit of whisking...and for a large number of eggs...and required a certain order to how the ingredients were combined (for my regular crepe recipe, everything just gets dumped in the batter).

Red flag #3: When I poured the first crepe into the pan and tried to flip it....it was stuck. Really stuck. When I finally flipped it, it stuck to itself. I tried again with the second crepe. Same results. (Note: this never happens with my regular crepe recipe.)

Raising the white flag: Thankfully, a dinner guest I had over at the time (my mom) graciously offered to help me with the situation (which resulted in me immediately deserting the premises kitchen).

Note: If I had been alone, the batter would have gone down the drain (this is why I consider the recipe a FAIL, or an F-). The hassle of trying to unstick crepes is like trying to unstick liquid saran-wrap. Not fun. Especially when you know there's a better "non-whole-wheat" alternative (and you're wishing you had made that alternative!).

Even my mom had to help the crepes along....with the addition of some oil, which made the crepes less 'stickable', but quite a bit more 'oily'.

Ultimately, they were edible (though what isn't when you smother it with cinnamon/sugar, fruit and syrup)...though I'm thinking my toppings of choice rather negated any health value from the whole wheat flour...

I consider this blog recipe attempt pretty much a disaster....edible, but still a disaster. Or, as one dinner guest put it, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Amen brother!

This is a picture of the whole wheat crepes...not super appetizing...

This is a picture of regular crepes I made the week following the FAIL (of course I just HAD to make them, to erase the feeling of defeat from the fail).

Lets party like it's 1980!

This weekend we gathered as a family (the Kappes Clan and the Beachy's) to celebrate my brother's birthday (in the picture below, he's the big kid in the middle). My brother may be married, with two kids, a great wife, and a law degree, but I'll always be the big sister...which makes me both older, and wiser (though I'll let him help me fix my computer every now and again).

A good time was had by all, especially by those who took the opportunity to chill out in the pool.

Since Zach isn't in this picture, I can only guess that the splash is from his jump...

Ben was practicing his diving--looks great!

Carter was going free-form.

Josh, Jon and Halle enjoying some shade.

(I didn't take a picture of the ladies, but we were hanging out on the patio, sipping our homemade Mojitos--yummy!!)

The evening ended with lots of great food, and a small viewing party (for the Transformers two-disc blu-ray gift set that I gave him).

Happy Birthday Jon!!!